Believe it or not, this is not about the American Presidential election. Yeah, I’m going to talk about Trump, but only for a little bit, I promise. In fact, I’m going to do something that will probably be really upsetting to Trump, I’m going to take the focus off of him and I’m going to attempt to use his evil for good. And in so doing, I might just be able to prove the existence of God. (I probably won’t get to that but I’m trying to justify spending time on this instead of my mind numbing religious course readings…) Get to it already!! Alright, alright. I’m going to make this as brief as possible, cuz… the internet.

Okay, ever since the scandal over Trump’s leaked rapey convo with Billy Bush I’ve been incredibly unsettled by the response. It took me a while to figure out what it was. Here’s what I can boil it down to: Defenders of the ‘locker room’ talk are more right than the deniers and denouncers. Stay with me. Please. While it is certainly convenient for supporters of the opposing party to vilify and single out the two men involved in the recording, it also operates as a great disservice when the conversation starts and ends with them. At least their defenders admit ‘locker room talk’ beyond Bump (Bush+Trump) exists.

Since Kelly Oxford got the conversation going on twitter, she has had several million women reply to her invitation to get the conversation going regarding experiencing sexual assault. Now, I wouldn’t necessarily put it past you know who, but I’m quite sure he’s not responsible for over 8 million assaults. And this brings me to my point of contention. BRO TALK, LOCKER ROOM TALK, WHATEVER YOU WANT TO CALL IT, IS REAL. While I can appreciate men coming out defiant and insisting that this is not the norm, 8+ million replies states otherwise. LeBron James, thank you for not taking part in it, but when you say it’s not there, you’re silencing the opportunity to have a much needed conversation. Men, I love you, but, THIS IS NOT ABOUT YOUR HURT FEELINGS. This is not about whether you personally have had these kinds of conversations. When 90% of all sexual assaults are perpetrated against women there is a problem that need not be silenced because you’re one of the good ones.

Please don’t worry about defending yourself. If you want to denounce this kind of talk, be willing to talk about it. Please don’t worry about thinking this will excuse RumpT, he’s bound to bury himself with something even more damaging next week.  I’ve been around long enough to know that the claim  ‘this kind of talk isn’t the norm’ rings terribly false. To the many male celebrities expressing righteous indignation, can you say with all certainty that you have not at one point or another used your celebrity to ‘score’. Are you 100% confident that all the women you have slept with would say that it had nothing to do with your celebrity status? To the jock, the manager at work, the hottest guy in school, the captain of the chess club, can you claim, in all honesty, that you haven’t used your popularity or authority to influence a girl/woman to engage in sexual relations? This is not an attempt to indict all men, I simply want to point out that this conversation is not and cannot just be about the Orange One. This is a conversation about consent. This is a conversation about something that we need to stop sweeping under the rug because all men don’t want to be painted with the same spray tan brush. (I’ve never had a spray tan, I’m assuming it’s painted on with a brush…)

To the defenders, just because something is commonplace doesn’t make it right. Do you really need further clarification? Okay, fine, here you go. If all your friends wanted to jump off a bridge, cheat on a test, race off a cliff, does that make it right? Okay? I don’t think I need to say any more on this point.

Please, please, please, don’t waste this opportunity to have this conversation. We all know it’s bad, we don’t need people coming out in support of how ‘bad’ it is. I know drinking sugary drinks will negatively impact my health, but I still do it. Knowing a behavior is wrong is one thing, but actively taking steps to change the behavior is the only effective way to stop it. The first step is being willing to admit that ‘locker room’ talk exists. It is still the norm, and it needs to be exposed by having as many conversations as necessary. I urge you men to be as brave as the millions of women who have spoken up about their sexual assaults and admit you’re not part of the solution when you try to stifle the gravity of the situation.


**Don’t take my word for it, here are some resources you are more than welcome to look up for yourself:

The Mask You Live In isn’t as directly linked to this article but it is an amazing documentary worth watching

Too Nothing Too Late

Posted: July 6, 2015 in Personal
Tags: , , , , ,

I sit here and find myself at a complete loss for thoughts, let alone words. Memories continuously flash through my mind without permission.

I knew she needed a friend, a good friend. I tried, but not beyond my own convenience. She let me in. I judged. I was kind. I judged her kindly. I judged. I didn’t speak up when I should have. I wanted so desperately to tell her she was loved. I remained silent.

I became irritated. I could see her brokenness, but I couldn’t see past my own annoyance. I gave up because it was convenient. How do you decide who’s worth fighting for and who you let loose? Would it have changed anything if I had given her another chance? Would her outcome be the same? Could I have made a difference? Would she have listened? 

I could have chosen differently. I should have chosen differently. I would choose differently given the chance. It’s likely it wouldn’t matter anyway. But I will never know, and left to always wonder. I failed. I am called to love. I failed. I failed miserably. I’m not beating myself up, it’s simply reality. I felt this all before it was too late. I longed to reach out. I didn’t. I am consumed with sorrow and yet it serves no purpose to the current circumstance. The mirror image tragedy reflects is cruel and unfortunate and necessary.

Because time and space are irrelevant to the One who knows all, I pray a thousand prayers I should have prayed. I couldn’t save her but I pray she is in His loving arms and she has peace beyond all understanding.

Image courtesy of antpkr at

Okay, so my diet is on hold, kind of, I’ll update next week. Anyway, this is so funny. When my husband first told me about his idea I thought it was so stupid. I pretty much just looked at him with dead eyes. I stand corrected. I had to pause it I was laughing so hard. All I can say is, don’t be looking for a point.